he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
