I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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