mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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