I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize