i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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