If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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