even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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