I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
