Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
