I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
