you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
