I'm drive I can fine osifer
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
