just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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