Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
