we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
