halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
