Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
