how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
