yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
