i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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