I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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