i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
