and my herpes radar will keep us safe
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
