Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
