I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So much Jack, so little girl.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
