My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
