i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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