how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
