Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
