Define "chronic" masturbator.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
