It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it because I queefed?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
