he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
