I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
