Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
