Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
