at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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