Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
