let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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