last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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