Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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