I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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