it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
