Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
