While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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