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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
