im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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