I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
