i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
