after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
