the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
