I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
