This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I enjoy the company of your penis
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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