I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
