It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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