i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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