On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
