i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
