i don't like sucking hair
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize