I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
