i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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