We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize