Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
