we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just want to make out with him forever
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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