At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
