It's Friday. Sex?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
