if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
