i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
