hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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