right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
