So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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