She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
