I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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