it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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