OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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