And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize