worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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