the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
