I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
