every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
