Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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