I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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