On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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