I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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