love makes seman taste better
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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