I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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