you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
