I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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